Conflicts - The 3 Things that Cause Them

Different 'Sieves' in our Minds (Values and Beliefs)–We humans have something like a 'sieve' in our brains that helps filter and interpret stuff that we get from the world around us. The 'sieve' is different for each of us due to our upbringing and experiences. Everything that we perceive gets through this 'sieve'. We assess whether or not it's acceptable. But the problem is that what one person's 'sieve' considers acceptable, another may not.

Words (Communication)–We communicate and relay what we feel and think through the use of words. An idea can be communicated in many different ways with different words. On the flip side, a word can mean different things to two different people. Words are tools, but oftentimes people forget that they are just that--tools. What's really important is the meaning behind the words, not the words themselves.  But people get so caught up with the meaning of the words of another person and interpret them inaccurately which lead to misunderstandings and conflicts.

Wanting to be Right (Ego)–This is like the ignited wick of the dynamite. It's what sets it all off. We all have the propensity to want to be right. We don't want to be wrong! This is what fuels all kinds of conflicts.

The Solution

If we want to eliminate conflicts we need to understand that the three things above are the cause of all the conflicts in the world.

1. We need to understand that people have had different life experiences, values and beliefs. What we consider right may not be so acceptable for another person, and vice versa. When we come to this understanding we should be more able to tolerate, understand and accept why other people behave the way they do.
2. We need to focus on the meaning behind what people say, not the words that they use. Place less importance on the words and go for the meaning. Don't hesitate to clarify what people mean until you truly understand them.
3. We need to let go of the urge of wanting to be right. Sometimes we don't even realise that we are wrong due to being so clouded by this natural tendency of ours. Let this go and you will witness thriving in all of your relationships with other human beings.